Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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