Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
