I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
