no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
