Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
