it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
