Moan for me like Helen Keller
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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