If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
