i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
