So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
NoShamevember. You game?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
