i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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