so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
