when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
