Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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