OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
