I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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