put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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