Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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