remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
