i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
