it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
