I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
