you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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