definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
