Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
