Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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