Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
