Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
