I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
