a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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