i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
