Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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