hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
