Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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