She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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