just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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