Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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