Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
