Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
