Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
