Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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