This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
