I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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