you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
