ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
