Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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