i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
