So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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