So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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