STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
