Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
