I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
