I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
