I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
