At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
