Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
