Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
