Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
